(not) ready, set, go

Hello hellooo and welcome to my Substack! Come with me as I embark on a journey to challenge my perfectionism and create for the sake of creating!

let’s get messy

I have been on the fence of making a publication for quite some time now. I gravitated toward the Substack world and have always wanted to be a creator. So what has been holding me back?

1. Perfectionism

I am a grade A (recovering) perfectionist. I grew up as a high-achiever and was shown love based on my performance (in school, sports, etc.). I have taken these traits into adulthood and am on a mission to challenge these beliefs. I struggle with producing work without triple-checking and ensuring it is completely buttoned-up before sharing. A limiting part of me believes there is no point in doing something unless I can be the best or do it without flaws.

*enter tidbits*

I plan to use this platform to go against my norm. I plan on getting messy and creating without fear (or at least try to)!

2. Controlling other’s perception of me

For a lot of my life I walked on eggs shells. I constantly scan my environment to gauge how others are feeling. I have based my worth on how other’s perceive me. I fear what other’s may think if I forget a comma or spell something wrong or just completely don’t make sense. What if they think I’m stupid? What if they think my work is pointless? What if I’m wasting my time? I think by being perfect and not showing an ounce of flaws, I can control other people into liking me.

Well I have finally reached the point of… who the heck cares? I’m creating because I want to and if I use the wrong form of a verb or write a run-on sentence, SUE ME because I ain’t trying to be cute anymore.

3. Lack of direction

Yeah so I have no idea where this publication is going to go. I named it tibits because I honestly have a feeling I’m just going to be sharing random ass tidbits from my life and posting for the fun of it. Old Kiki would be like: No, we need a plan. We need to know where we are going and who we are trying to reach. Yadayadayada.

Nope, I’m not having that anymore. I’m just going to set sail and see where the wind takes me. ~metaphorical, I know~

4. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing

I have never been the strongest writer. I performed well in school but English class was NOT my strong suit. I remember giving my Dad my middle school essays to proof read and him handing me back a sea of red pen.

“Your writing doesn’t make sense. You write like you’re talking. It’s hard to follow.”

Well, buckle up Pops, because I don’t give a rat’s ass. (Am I allowed to curse on here? I guess we’ll find out lol)

5. Inner critic Kiki

Oh hello there, my familiar friend. My inner critic is a force. I am my own biggest bully. I believe if I insult the crap out of myself, at least I am beating others to it or preparing myself for the scary world out there! I am hoping through my Substack I can give my inner critic a cup of tea and hush her up for a bit.

Because, frankly, I have had enough. I have had enough of living small to please others and protect myself from the opinions of the outside world.

I am here to let loose.

I am here to live unscared. I am here to say OH WELL and just do things that bring me joy. I am here to GET MESSY and BE OKAY WITH IT! Even if these posts resonate with a singular soul, or even none at all, I will be okay. I will be more than okay. Because I am creating for the sake of creating. I am being unapologetically meee.

More tidbits coming soon!

p.s. I had this saved in my drafts with only the title written for over a week so let’s just consider this all a ~work in progress~

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